Letting go can be really hard. Letting go of someone else can be even harder. Although, letting go of who you used to be can be the hardest thing you ever have to do. Recently, I noticed that I was in a friendship that didn’t feel right anymore. It was difficult for me to come to terms with since I had been in this friendship for about six years. It isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, but we have been through a lot together, especially since the relationship occurred during a huge growth period for the both of us. Scratch that, I totally just lied when I said that I noticed recently that this friendship didn’t feel right. The truth is that I have known for awhile and I couldn’t admit it to myself. This person is very important to me and like most other people, the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. Sometimes when I think about them, I am confused as to why I would want to release them from my life. (I, too, am a culprit of remembering the highlight reel of many of my relationships. Although, this one was very special to me.) They haven’t done anything wrong, they aren’t a bad person… so what happened? It isn’t as if the relationship suddenly turned sour or perhaps it did and I just missed it. That is what happens when you lie to yourself for an extended period of time, you have a lot of trouble discerning what is real and what isn’t. Sure the love I had for the person was real, but how long was I really happy for? I didn’t lie on purpose. Since they are such a great person, I wanted to do everything that I could to keep them in my life. I didn’t notice it at the time but I was shapeshifting, bending over backwards and compromising bits of myself to make myself fit into the relationship to make sure I didn’t lose them. I was not only lying to myself that this could work but also lying to them by staying which communicated that everything was okay. After sitting with this for awhile I realized that it wasn’t anything that they did. We are all extraordinary people, that is never the problem. When I asked them about how they felt about everything, they were absolute fine with where the relationship was and where it was headed. That said it all. I suddenly knew in my heart that I just didn’t fit in anymore.
When you lie to yourself, you take your own power away. When you lie to yourself, there are no problems. Thus, there is nothing that you can do about something that doesn’t exist. We don’t always do this on purpose. When you realize that you haven’t been truthful, it becomes very difficult to ignore. If you do ignore it, you are sabotaging yourself and preventing yourself from the life that you deserve. What amazed me for a hot second was how long I kept this up for. How could I keep up a charade for perhaps years on end? It actually does make sense, more than I would even want to admit. It is very easy for the mind to be confused, that is just a part of life. However, if you are really paying attention, the heart is never confused. The heart always knows. I knew in my heart and my body that this wasn’t working a long time ago. Yes, you read that correctly and you may know where I am going with this. Sexuality is a powerful metaphor for connection and creation because it is how we connect with each other in the most vulnerable ways to create something new. This extends far beyond babies and our traditional views surrounding sex. Think of the spaces and relationships that are born from the deepest form of intimacy. Okay enough of that, but one of the biggest cues that there was something off was that our sex was different. As weird as it may seem, there were so many things that I was thinking about that made the situation seem confusing, but this made it crystal clear. There was a time when we were very clearly connected. There was no denying that and nothing confusing about it. I could feel that connection in my body and my heart. The last time we were ever together, I knew it wasn’t there anymore. No matter what stories or excuses that my mind came up with, I didn’t feel anything where I previously had. Something changed and I knew that was the last time. You can lie to yourself about a lot of things, including sex, but that catches up to you quickly. I figured that this was okay, not everyone remains sexually compatible with everyone forever. I thought that if I made it clear that this part of the relationship was over and that we were meant to be just platonic friends that that would solve everything. It didn’t. Removing sex from the equation didn’t solve anything because it wasn’t the real problem, just a reflection of the disconnection. We weren’t working as partners or friends. I had a hard time reconciling this and what it meant to me. I have never been in the position of needing to let someone go. I was ready to let them go as a partner but not a friend. How do you even do that? Usually friendships just fizzle out or maybe something awful happens in which case you have no choice. I have never had to actively choose whether someone belonged in my life and whether I belonged in theirs anymore. Of course, it was so much more than that because I had a sneaking suspicion that this wasn’t going to be mutual. What did that mean for me if suddenly I didn’t feel comfortable continuing the way we had been? What does it mean when suddenly you’re the one that has the problem? Could I make it so that I didn’t have a problem with our relationship? Did I change too much in all of the wrong ways? Could I change back? There was a connection there before so surely I could find a way to feel it again? Or did I even want to… what would that entail? I tried changing myself back many times to be the kind of person that was okay with the relationship we had. It worked when I hadn’t changed that much. It was only when I realized that I had changed a lot that this wasn’t feasible anymore. When I think about the person I was a couple of years ago, I can see how we fit very well. She was really happy in that relationship, well, as far as she knew anyway. That relationship was the best romantic-relationship-turned-friendship I had ever experienced at the time. How could I even imagine tossing that away? The mind looks outward toward the other person while the heart moves inward in times like these. In my mind, there was nothing out of the ordinary because they were the same person they have always been or at the very least we had grown together in similar ways making us a good match. In my heart, I knew that I had changed too much and I didn’t want to go back. There wasn’t anything “wrong” with me before. I have had my moments, for sure, but overall everything on the outside was decently okay. I appeared to be perfectly normal, but on the inside I was an absolute mess. Do you know what is even harder about being a mess all of the time? Not knowing how you are a mess, why you are a mess, what kind of mess you are, and how to fix it. I was a mess without any sort of direction in that relationship. I can’t fully explain why but somehow while I was a mess, that relationship worked. As I was on my way to cleaning up the mess, I found it didn’t work anymore. Would you go back to being a mess to make a relationship work? I decided it wasn’t worth it.
I do believe a small part of me just didn’t want to be “wrong”. I think we all have that worry sometimes to some extent. I didn’t want to be “wrong” about this person, the friendship and everything that happened between us. I didn’t want it to be a complete waste of time. That was absolutely the mind talking. (Although, to ignore what I know any further would be a waste of time because now I absolutely know better.) There is no such thing as a complete waste of time. Everyone and everything has something to show you. What I needed to do a long time ago was make my peace and honor everything that the relationship had shown me. While everything and everyone may be your teacher, there comes a point when they have shown you what they are meant to show you. Now was the time to move on. By integrating the wisdom from past relationships, experiences, etc. you are showing them respect. It is only disrespectful when you decided to regret something by not seeing its wisdom or call an experience, “a waste of time”. Imagine if someone dishonored your soul by saying that when we are all genuinely doing our best with the tools we have been given. I wasn’t “wrong” about the relationship. The funny part is that it was completely fitting for who I was at the time so technically I was “right”. It just didn’t feel right anymore and that is the only difference. That is huge because it indicates that I have changed in some undeniable way. I have to begin to honor that by moving in that direction and fully embodying myself. This is the most amazing gift anyone could have given me. Now I really know when something feels right and when it doesn’t. I also know when I am still learning within a certain container and when it is time to move on. This relationship has shown me more about the person that I am and that I am not than any other relationship I have had (outside of my family, but that is something else entirely). It really pushed me in a lot of ways to come to terms with what it is I want out of the people in my life and life in general. I knew that this wasn’t working for me anymore because my heart wasn’t in it. That doesn’t mean that everything I learned about them and myself disappears in the wind. This is just one of the rhythms of life. People come in and out for however long they are meant to to show you something about yourself and when the time is right, you both move on. Moving against this rhythm is the mistake only in that you may not be seeing yourself clearly with respect to what is meant to be in your life and what isn’t. I did that. I held onto this relationship for far too long. Would you hold onto eggs far past their expiration date? No, I am not comparing this person or what we created together to eggs. All life and creations of life have life spans. Relationships, people, life phases, and eggs all have life spans. I just didn’t honor this one when I was meant to and only I had the power to do so.
As I thought I was making the decision whether to release this person from my life completely or not, I realized that it is not about that at all (of course). We all have our learning curves. Mine is that I have a habit of constantly choosing anyone and everyone else over myself. I have always chosen this person over myself in the past. I chose them over myself every time I transformed into someone that I thought would be a better fit in the relationship, when I stayed even though my heart begged me not to, and when I thought it would be better than being alone. That last one scared me a lot. When I was in the shower the other day, I was thinking about how this seemed to be the worst time to be “cutting people out” of my life. We are all already so much more isolated than usual that it seemed extra crazy to isolate myself even further. In that moment I was petrified. I could really feel my fear everywhere in my body. I told myself, “I couldn’t bear to be emotionally alone right now”. I then heard my own voice say, “you already have been”. This is not about pointing fingers. I believe that when we make our decisions based upon the actions of other people and play the “blame game” it gets dicey very quickly. However, what sparked this question in my head in the first place about the relationship was that I did notice that there was an imbalance. I have always been there for this person. Every time they need something…. anything… I am always by their side. I am like this for all of my friends and family. It was a hard pill for me to swallow, but I realized that this person has not been there for me when I really needed them. Remember what I said about pointing fingers? Blaming takes the power out of your hands, rendering you unable to make changes in your own life because you think someone else has all of the power over your life. Why would we want that? This actually isn’t their fault at all, it’s mine. Even when you think something is somehow about someone else, it is about the choices you make and the boundaries you decide to create or tear down. I ignored that someone being emotionally invested in a friendship is important to me. I ignored that having some semblance of balance between “give” and “take” is important to me. People aren’t mind readers, unless we are talking about psychics but this person isn’t a psychic… that I know of. I can’t possibly expect anyone to read my mind. I believe in always advocating for yourself. I have mentioned before to this person that they seemed to be uncomfortable with emotions in general and they know that this is true for them. We had a conversation about this awhile ago, but nothing seemed to change. I don’t believe in trying to change people. Everyone is on their own timeline. When people are inspired to change, true change happens because it is coming from the heart rather than someone pleading with you to, “change for them”. They need to want to change. This is just how this person was. I couldn’t change this about them or even ask them to do so. (I am talking about deep changes. If you are in a relationship and someone isn’t doing their fair share of the dishes, that can be changed.) I needed to decide whether this part of them was okay with me and that decision needed to be made a long time ago. By not bringing it up again, I was choosing this person over myself which only hurt me because this was something I actually needed. I was choosing them by saying that this was perfectly fine with me by staying. If I had left, that would have communicated that that wasn’t alright. I was afraid that if I admitted that this was something I wanted that I knew that this relationship wasn’t going to work anymore. That fear came true. Although, it wasn’t going to work “anymore” because it was already not working. I was just being honest about it with myself for the first time. There is no risk of being “emotionally alone” because I made that choice a long time ago. I essentially said that being “emotionally alone” was better than having the courage and strength to do whatever I needed to do in order to really be happy. While I learned how to hold this space for myself and be emotionally independent, it is still important for me to have people in my life that care about my emotional well-being. They don’t ever need to fix anything for me, only I will ever be able to heal myself. However, if someone is my close friend, it is important to me that they care. There is a balance between providing yourself with what you need and having people around you that reflect your values. There is no space for people around you to reflect what you value if you don’t release the ones that don’t. It is also important to hold space a space of Love for who and where people are. Just because they may not be meant for you at a specific time doesn’t mean they aren’t worth of Love and respect. They are not lesser than you just like you aren’t lesser than them at any point in time. People are different and just need different expressions of Love at different times. I need a different expression of Love at this time to help me grow. That doesn’t make this person a lesser form of Love because I am sure that for them to grow they also need something different. You will know you need something different when you don’t feel your heart expanding. There is nothing like being expanded by Love. Don’t be afraid to release what you need to in order to hold space for this.
You, as an expression of Love, are your own best guide. You always know what you need when you are coming from a space of Love. Whether you pay attention to this is up to you. I chose not to and as a result, we repeated a lot of cycles that weren’t necessary. We thought that they were different, but they all contained the same energy. It was always the same thing with a different face, making it a little easier to ignore. Whether you believe life moves in cycles like this is up to you. There are so many theories about cycles, lessons, etc. that you can come home to your own conclusions. I do believe that your heart guides you closer to where you need to be. If you ignore this and stay in familiar circumstances, the same things keep happening because you choose to keep yourself in similar situations. It isn’t that complicated. This relationship was a very familiar container that had the same cycle revealing itself over and over again. At some point I would always feel that it may be time to get off the wheel. There would always be a point where something simply didn’t feel right to me and I had an inkling that it was time to end it altogether. I ignored it every single time and so the cycle continued. It didn’t have to. I could have hopped off that wheel a long time ago, but I chose not to. I chose not to because a part of me wasn’t ready to let got of that person and the person who I was with them. That was the scariest idea that seemed to be beyond my comprehension. I spent a lot of formative years with this person and so a lot of my identity was shaped through the relationship. What would I be like without it? Would I even be “me” anymore? Nope, not at all. It was terrifying. I knew how to be me or at least I thought I did. I knew what being me looked like, sounded like, acted like, etc. I knew how to move, interact, etc. all based on this identity. What would happen if I admitted that I wasn’t this person anymore? Who am I now? How do I navigate this world anymore. I spend decades basically building a guidebook named, “How To Be Katie 101”. If I was really so different that my relationships weren’t working anymore, I would have to start from scratch. What would I do without my guidebook? If none of that was really me, then where do I start? What I didn’t realize at the time was that this was equally useful information. I thought I was writing the book, “How To Be Katie 101” when I was really writing the book, “How To Not Be Katie: In Fact How To Be So Far Away From Your Personal Truth It’s Ridiculous That You Will Spend Awhile Digging Yourself Out Of This Deep Hole, But It’s Totally Worth It 101”. As I mentioned earlier, it is helpful to know when you are yourself and when you are so far in the other direction. I spent decades in the other direction. If you know the “wrong” direction or rather, the one that doesn’t feel good to you, you know how to point yourself in the “right” one so you can go home to yourself.
Don’t be afraid to let yourself go. You won’t always fit into every relationship, circumstance, etc. If you did then that would reflect that you aren’t growing. I understand that this is easier said than done. I let myself go in bits and pieces. This just so happened to be the last one. Everything happened when it was meant to. Just like you can’t tell anyone to change because it needs to come from their heart, your change begins with your heart. I held onto those pieces for a very long time. Every time I “tried” to let them go I was unsuccessful because it didn’t come from an honest place within. I could think of and list a thousand reasons why I needed to let go, but I needed to feel it. I felt when it was time and finally honored it. For instance, you can tell yourself a million and one times to stop sleeping with your ex. That isn’t very helpful because you are looking at a symptom or reflection of a deeper misalignment. If you focus on them or anything outside of you and try to treat the symptom, it comes back in a different form. Every time you think you have taken care of it, it will pop back up like a game of whack-a-mole because you haven’t actually taken care of anything. You need to want to be done with the pattern, not the person, situation, etc. The pattern is inside of you. They are a reflection of what is currently within you. Focusing on the reflection doesn’t change the subject of the mirror. You need to want more for yourself. You need to want real, lasting change. No one can do that for you. When you truly desire this, the change happens because you change yourself for yourself. You will know because your world as a reflection of you will change. You will no longer be playing whack-a-mole. You can release with kindness. When I speak with anyone, I do my best to do so with kindness. There are moments where I don’t succeed. I just admit my mistake and course-correct with Love. This also requires a level of self-kindness that a lot of us aren’t used to. Isn’t it funny how we can have kindness and patience for everyone else, but when it comes to ourselves we sometimes struggle? Releasing yourself requires you to be kind and patient. This will create a lot of change where you may not know left v.s. right v.s. up. v.s. down. Even when you think you are lost, you are moving closer to your home. I have had so many very important relationships, romantic and non-romantic, that have highlighted when I am not myself and where I need to adjust so I can be myself again. It took me awhile to come to terms with that one of the purposes of our multidimensional, multifaceted relationships is to guide you home. The only way for you to not get there is if you deny yourself and remain stagnant.
Always remember, whatever is present isn’t about anyone or anything outside of you. Even when you think it might be about someone or something else, consider how ultimately you connect the dots. That person was a reflection of how I grew uncomfortable with the person I once was. When you change, so does your reflection. In this case, as you change the things that no longer fit in your life fall away. On the flip side, you no longer fit in theirs either. That is okay. How do I know that this was never about them? The same themes that I felt were unbalanced about this relationship were playing out in other relationships. Whether it was me choosing someone else over myself, an issue of holding emotional space, etc. I could see how it was very clearly something that needed to be healed internally. There is no coincidence that this pattern was everywhere. These people and circumstances didn’t have anything in common except for me. I was always the common denominator and if I wanted the relationships to change, in some cases the relationship to the relationships to change, I needed to change. I could blame it on everyone else, but then again, if I just got rid of them “they” or rather the energy would just come back. When you shift from within, the resulting changes can come in different manifestations within the different spaces in your life. They won’t all look the same because all relationships are inherently different. Remember, it’s not all about you. Anyone you interact with has a soul and they need to grow just as much as you do. The resulting shifts are mutually beneficial and tailored to the specific experience at hand. How? That’s just one part of the Mystery we live in 😉 . I needed space from some relationships altogether because there would be no room for growth if I allowed things to stay even remotely the same. In that case, a clean break is more than appropriate. For some relationships e.g. familial, my relationship to the relationship needed to change. What makes this different and how is this not compromising yourself? Ha. You’ve got me there. I don’t know the answer to that with one hundred percent confidence. This may work now and then later I realize that even some familial relationships are so unhealthy that they need their own space to heal. It all depends on what you know you can handle. You need to consider what will facilitate your expansion into allowing Love in your life and embodying yourself as an expression of Love. If you can honestly tell yourself that you are the one that needs to change and then everything is great after that, then that is wonderful. That can definitely work. For instance, I went through a period where my relationship to my relationship with my parents needed to change. It didn’t mean I loved them any less. I wanted them in my life. I needed to create the necessary boundaries so that I could have a chance at enjoying having them in my life and appreciate them for who they are. For that to happen, my old relationship to them had to die and a new one was reborn in its place. They still have so much to teach me and I have so much to learn from them (more on this here). If something is limiting you somehow, show it the door. If it isn’t limiting you but makes you uncomfortable, hold a space for that, with Love of course, and asses why it makes you uncomfortable so you can create the necessary boundaries. Don’t just shut something out because it makes you uncomfortable. Thinking of my parents helped me to make this decision. They challenge me and from those experiences I have grown immensely. I have yet to look back to see myself stuck on a wheel at any point. Every time I come out of a difficult situation with them, I come back brighter with new visions that guide my life. I used to receive that from this relationship up until a certain point. Once I noticed that cycles were repeating themselves and I didn’t feel any sparks of learning and renewal, I knew it was time. Do not create boundaries from fear of confronting something unknown within your Spirit. That can prevent you from access the most life-changes, unknown aspects of your soul that you needed another soul to ignite that within you (though you ultimate do this by allowing the Love in, it is all Love creating within itself). Allow the people in your life to challenge you, do not allow them to limit you. Boundaries created from Love allow Love to grow so people don’t hold each other back. You can always adjust and make them stronger when necessary. Your heart will lead the way.
Boundaries protect your Spirit. The act of creating, removing, adjusting, strengthening, etc. boundaries allows you to take a deep look at what allows your connection to your Spirit to grow and what may be causing disconnection. You need to access a great amount of presence and patience within yourself to know what is facilitating a connection to your Spirit. There is so much strength in presence because it allows you to create a beautiful life for yourself. When do you feel the most present? What takes away from your presence and really being in your Spirit? Recently, I knew that there were a couple of other things that I needed to let go in order to be truly present in my life. There were thoughts of what I needed to release that I was toying around with before but wasn’t really sure if I needed to give anything up. These things weren’t destroying my life but they weren’t enhancing it either. What do you do with that middle ground? I knew that when the time came, I would know in my heart if they had a place in my life or not. Here’s one of them: alcohol. I know, I know… this post is long and alcohol is a large topic. I thought about drinking etc. and whether it was for me. Let me tell you, it definitely was at one point. I went back and forth about alcohol because I heard about people giving it up and overall feeling better. I also knew that someone else saying that they were “better off” wasn’t going to do the trick for me. I didn’t have any issues with alcohol so the decision didn’t need to be make urgently. Again, it didn’t seem to be wreaking havoc on my life (it actually was, just in very subtle ways which was hard at the time but is a funny story now, everything turned out okay) but I wasn’t sure if it was helping me. I knew that I would know when it was time. A couple weeks ago, even though alcohol hadn’t really been a part of my life, I knew it was time. I was reconsidering what it really was I wanted out of this life. After some reflection, I knew that I wanted to be able to feel and know life clearly. Drugs of any kind (alcohol is a drug according to many reputable sources) do not allow me to feel and know life clearly. It was that simple. This works for me and not for everyone else. It isn’t positive or negative. This doesn’t make me better or worse than anyone else and who knows, things may change. For where I am right now, this feels right. That is how boundaries feel. When you are present with yourself, you just will know when things seem right. Don’t base it off of anyone else, what they are doing, etc. It really doesn’t matter. Do not try and push your agenda on them. This is not a drug PSA. Who would I be to tell anyone what to do with their bodies? That’s crazy and very unhelpful. This is a boundary I needed to create within myself. Boundaries aren’t just for your external world. This boundary allows me to Love and respect myself more. This is what is really important at the end of the day. No matter what they look like, we want to create more Love from Love. If I decided to draw a boundary with alcohol because someone else did it and claimed it made them feel better, that is not from Love. It didn’t come from my heart so it is useless. When it doesn’t come from your heart it is no longer about Loving and respecting yourself but doing something because you think you “should” and that it will make you more lovable. We don’t need that. We are able to Love ourselves. When you are in the midst of creating boundaries in response to a life event you have three options: a) be totally unaware that something is “off”, b) acknowledge that something is just not working but allow things to remain the same or c) release and be done. Only the third option allows for growth. There is no way I could consciously keep alcohol in my life after admitting to myself that it is no longer working for me. There was a point where I didn’t know it wasn’t for me. I have compassion and understanding for where I was at the time. I didn’t stay in option “b” for a second. If I did, I would be blocking myself from growing because there would be no space. There is no space for the “me that drinks” and “me that chooses not to drink” in the same body. I either choose to or choose not to. If I choose to, I choose the version of me that needs alcohol in her life. If I choose not to, I release the version of me that did need it and make space for/choose the version of me that doesn’t need it anymore. Even if I was aware that it wasn’t benefiting me anymore and continued to include alcohol in my life, that is still choosing alcohol. Awareness doesn’t mean much without action. Awareness alone doesn’t create change, awareness with some form of action e.g. boundaries, release, etc. creates change. There is only space for the second version if I release the first one. If you keep people or things in your life that do not reflect who you are, you are moving against your true essence. It is very difficult to reconcile having anything in your life that doesn’t reflect who you are and somehow having things that do. Nothing in your life reflects who you truly are until everything does and all of the deception has been removed. In order to create space for what it is a reflection of your Spirit, you need to create some boundaries and admit that whatever is currently present is not a reflection of your Truth. Releasing anything that is not a reflection of your Truth allows you to create boundaries with yourself so you have a better idea of who you are and what you want to create within yourself. Keeping them around just fogs up the mirror and perpetuates a cycle of deception. There is room for deception or Truth, no in-between. Even if you are aware that something doesn’t fit and you do nothing, this is still deception because you haven’t fully acknowledged your heart and what it needs to thrive. Your connection to your Spirit will stay small because there is no room for it. There is only room for your Spirit when you release and make room by knowing that this is who you are and that is who you are not. There is standing in your Truth and there is not. Draw the boundary. You make that choice every day with everything that you choose to keep and release. Release deception to create room for your Spirit. Consider this an invitation to asses what enhances your presence in your life so you can choose these boundaries for yourself. Create these boundaries so you can Love, honor, and respect yourself. That can look like anything and everything. There are no limits to the forms Love can take. You know how to best love your mind, body, soul and Spirit. Create from this space of knowing. Release what you need to accomplish this and if somethings not broken, don’t fix it because you think that is the answer. (If you are overthinking, stop right there until you can just let it happen naturally.) There are so many other ways you can use your Love and energy that are genuinely going to enhance your Spirit. You can create boundaries for anything and everything that plays a role in your experience. Use them to shape your relationship with Creation.
Your Spirit is always available to you. It never leaves you, you choose in every moment whether you want to connect to it. All of our Spirits are equally expansive. You expand more into your Spirit when you strengthen and deepen that connection. You nourish that connection with every experience and relationship you have in your life. Your heart is always guiding you to the time and place where you can foster that connection. It also lets you know when you need to pivot. That just means that you need something new and different in order for that connection to expand in ways completely unknown to you. Trust this guidance. Release your doubts. Everyone and everything is a part of your heart as an expression of Love. You have the infinite wisdom of all existence within your own heart. This includes those who have personally experienced and those you have yet to meet. No matter who comes in and out of your life, if you know yourself and them as Love they can never truly be separate from you. They don’t have to be physically a part of your life for them to be a part of you. To know this, you just need to choose Love. Love holds infinite space, your heart will never forget them. They are a part of your infinite journey with your relationship with your Spirit. The wisdom that they gave you as an expression of Love will always be guiding you as you continue to create. You allow this multidimensional wisdom to be your compass when you are open to it. We all have the ability to sense this connection equally. What you do with it is up to you. Do not be afraid to do what you need to do to feel closer to yourself and your Spirit. When you are closer to yourself, the more Love you feel for everything in the world, seen and unseen. Release relationships without fear. Release things that you do not need without fear. Release aspects of your life without fear. Release yourself without fear. These expressions may not be physically present anymore, but the Love is still with you. You can release lovingly and kindly, knowing that everyone’s Love is always a part of you and is with you for all eternity. It doesn’t matter where or when you are, Love knows no bounds.
Create boundaries where they are needed so you can continue to cultivate the life that reflects your beautiful soul. I have so much to say about boundaries (clearly) but in the end they only help you to create the life that you want. A lot about this life that I have the wonderful opportunity to experience made sense once I understood that you able to have a life that makes you happy with boundaries that support you. I stayed stuck for a long time because I thought that being happy in my own life meant sacrificing someone else. I was sacrificing myself and the Love waiting to be expressed from inside me. As I was making the decision, I was heartbroken because I really love this person. That was the problem. I loved this person more than I loved myself. That wasn’t okay because that wasn’t going to help me grow. I needed to rip off the bandaid because as my love for them continued to grow it also grew larger than the amount of Love I was providing myself. I didn’t want to express that I loved them any less. I also couldn’t bear making decisions that didn’t reflect how much I had grown to Love myself. It didn’t feel right to do that anymore. I use the word “but” often. What has helped me a lot, especially with boundaries is the word “and”. Consider the difference between the two phrases: “I love this person but I need to release them in order to honor myself” v.s. “I love this person and I need to release them in order to honor myself”. They have different tones to them. You can have so much Love and respect for someone and realize that they aren’t meant to be a part of your life in a certain way at the moment. Holding space for yourself and your Spirit doesn’t mean disregarding everyone else. You have infinite Love within you to show Love to yourself and what you need while honoring the Love within someone else. I still Love them so much and that will never change. The only difference now is I Love myself more which required me to make some uncomfortable changes (I cried so much that there was something stuck in my eye for days and it finally came out with all the tears. Tears can be healing in all sorts of curious ways). Now I feel peace. Chances are that if you genuinely feel the need to release something or someone, it will help them too. Our soul journeys are all intertwined in a mysterious and cosmic way. By honoring yours, you are honoring everyone else’s because everyone else’s path is yours. There is something really special about having integrity and creating from a space of honesty so that you are able to emanate Love wherever you do. If something is not enhancing your ability to shine Love from your core, well, you know what to do. There are plenty of theories about reincarnation, past/parallel lives, etc. Either way, you may have only one chance in this life experience. I did what I needed to do to make room for more Love for myself. Do whatever you can to know your soul and be the happiest you can be. You deserve it.
Throughout this life, check in with yourself so you always know what it is that you truly want and desire. Ground in this. If there is something in your life that doesn’t reflect this, don’t be afraid to let it go. It served its time and purpose. Everything in life is meant to awaken you with Love. If there is something that not bringing more Love in your life, it is time to let it go. There may have been times where it was bringing more Love into your life. There is a time and a place for everything. This relationship was bringing Love into my life for a certain period of time. It brought Love into my life by showing me what it really means to see myself as an expression of Love and to reflect that in every moment. It served its purpose. Embracing the relationship and what it showed me allowed me to understand myself as Love. We all have relationships and experiences as mirrors to show us this. Navigate these experiences with a curious, open, and honest heart. You may not be clear on where it is going, how you will get there, what it all means, how it all connects, etc. but it is leading you toward Love in some form. When you make your life about Love, confusion disappears. I found that I wasn’t really losing my best friend because they are Love as well. The Love just changed form. When you see everything as a part of your multidimensional experience of Love, nothing ever really leaves you. I had to shift my perspective from thinking that I was losing this person, my identity, and my whole world to knowing that they were all integral parts of my relationship with Creation. It just depends on what your world revolves around. Does it revolve around people? Relationships? Things? Your identity? It did for me for awhile. That is why it all came crashing down. As soon as I didn’t fit in the relationship anymore, everything went dark because that, along with my sense of self, was my everything. When your life revolves around Love at the center, you don’t lose anything because everything in existence is a part of you/your relationship to your Spirit. You will never lose Love. I will always feel their Love and my own in my heart. This allowed my existence to really open up in a way that was unimaginable. Sure I had to release several expressions of Love, but they are felt everyday because they created who I am now. We release so we can make room for something new. The world is filled with beauty and Truth. Open up and it will find you.
To everyone I Love: you are always a part of my heart.
with Love, katie
*Love/Higher Self/God/Source/Spirit/Creation/Consciousness/Unmanifested/The Eternal/Soul/Everything/Nothing/All That Is/Infinity/The Unknown/The Witness/Being/Existence… you fill in the blank…