the shapeshifter

I used to be a huge people-pleaser. There I said it. In some ways, I probably still am. I am sure the core of this tendency can be found in my past, like it could for many of us. Similar to so many on this Earth, I am the black sheep of my family. My parents, though they would deny that they are anything alike, are very grounded people. They are very material based, which is a beautiful thing. They are very connected to their respective homes, families, and community. They are very good at knowing their hearts and place in this world. With that comes great clarity, which I deeply admire. My sister, a sweet, loving, nurturing, extraordinary human being, has a very similar soul. I am not like this at all. I am way more up in the air, a total space-case, etc. I have a very different way of interpreting and connecting with this world than they do. They know what they can see with their own two eyes, I know the unseen. They believe in what has been physically proved to be possible, I believe in the impossible. So what do we all do when we are younger, when we think we need to earn the love and approval of our families? We adapt. Adaptivity ensures our survival and evolution. It isn’t bad at all. But at what cost?

It cost my Spirit*. I was so good at adapting that my life became a lie that was very out of control, very quickly. I was so disconnected from myself and Love* that I had no idea what even made me happy anymore. Naturally, deep depression followed. I was so sad all the time and I didn’t even know why. I thought that was who I was and that it was totally normal. I believe that power is the ability to be a self-sustainable being by filling yourself with Love. You are absolutely in your power if you can generate your own Love and don’t need it from anyone else. But what happens when you aren’t connected to Love? What happens when you can’t generate it on your own because you don’t know how? You can become exhausted and confused, yearning for grounding somewhere but you don’t know yet where. It seems like the tap has run dry. You lose your spark. However, the tap hasn’t run dry, you just need to find it.

I am not talking about those experimental phases we all go through. Those are essential. They are compasses that guide us home. They help us understand what feels right and what essences we want to carry with us. Through experimenting we learn how to navigate so many different expressions of ourselves which can also allow us to understand the infinite expressions of others. Eventually we settle into our own homes with a collection of different embodiments of Love that we have felt. Our existence is always changing. Our expressions of existence is always changing. This life is so impermanent. There is so much wisdom in embodying flexibility and being willing to move with the rhythm of the universe. The right essences and spirits find you when you need them. They can guide you through unknown realities that you may not understand at first. All you have to do is be open to them. The knowledge stays with you in your soul.

There is a balance in being adaptive and following your heart so you don’t get lost. If we didn’t have fun and play around with the different manifestations of Love, we would be stagnant. This also becomes a way for us to lose ourselves. Love is meant to be in motion. It doesn’t have to be rigid. When we don’t approach this exploration of self with care, the result can be illusion, deception, and lies. Truth be told, it doesn’t ever hurt the person that observes us lying. It hurts us and our Spirit when our Spirit is not seen and appreciated. Noticing what it is like when our Spirit isn’t being expressed can be a healing experience within itself. It is interesting how there aren’t really any “bad” choices. There are ones that may feel misaligned but those are also a guide. Be open to the transitions that feel natural to you.

The curiosity within us allows us to try on many different costumes. Depending on what they are and how we use them, these costumes allow us to learn while still remaining confident in ourselves. There is a way to be curious and retain your own vibrancy. Always know within yourself the intention of the form you are embodying. From there, the world is filled with opportunity. Be curious about yourself and what surrounds you. When you are open, loving, and curious, you are a better listener. When you are a better listener, you are far more open to deeply understanding those who open their hearts and souls to you. Know the complex stories underneath what you may perceive at a first glance. You know that there is much beneath your own surface; connect to this in every conversation. This is where the most wondrous connections are born. You are able to hold a space for the stories of others about their many different experiences and know yourself in them. Completely new understandings of Life are born here.

Adaptability allows us to move with grace, ease, and understanding through this world. It is much easier to be open to new ideas and possibilities when we aren’t clinging to whatever we need our identity to be. We are being reborn in every instant as a new embodiment of Love. Every moment is an opportunity to allow a new form of Love to fill our Being. This keeps Love moving around within us instead of it getting stuck somewhere. It also allows Love to flow through us. When we allow the many different forms of Love to be free within us and infuse us with its wisdom, we are always in this state of fine-tuning our own unique relationships with Love. This is where the most expansive creativity begins. Love is Love no matter how it appears. Anchor yourself here. Feel this within your heart. Isn’t it so interesting that we are able to transform and simultaneously stay the same?

Change is always happening. Being adaptable is essential. Be adaptable with the anchor of Love to guide you. It is important to pay attention to the changes occurring within you to see how that influences what is outside of you. This practice requires some relationship with Love a.k.a yourself. When you are grounded in Love, it is simple. You won’t ever have to worry about losing yourself, no matter what is happening around you. Always remember you have your own way of connecting to Love that is unlike anyone else’s. Listen to how Love communicates with you. You need to know how you know Love. Once you understand your own language, it becomes apparent how the shifts within are reflected outward. You will feel, see, hear, taste, smell, know it etc. At any moment, you can change something within yourself and then everything changes in the following instant. Imagine the kaleidoscope you may have played with as a kid. Remember when you would focus it on a scene and then move it ever so slightly? The entire perspective changes and may even be unrecognizable. Embracing the constant, powerful state of shifting allows you to understand that life is not just a single, simple lens. Rather, it is very colorful, filled with shapes and patterns that you can experience when you decide to alter your point of view. You are the kaleidoscope. Decide where you want to focus and when you need a change of scenery.

Share your stories of the different expressions of Love that you have embodied. It doesn’t even have to be with anyone else. You can always do so quietly with yourself. Notice just how many there are. What are they? Why did you choose them at the time? How do you feel about them? Appreciate them for what they are. There are so many versions of myself where when I think back on them I absolutely cringe. Sometimes the pendulum needs to swing in the opposite direction for you to be where you are now. Ultimately, I am here today because of them. Maybe I will cringe about this years into the future, but I will know that I was always coming from a place of Love. That is all you can ever do. You are always doing your best and so is everyone else. The more you acknowledge the different expressions of your Being, the easier it is to recognize in the future what you want to carry with you and what is something you are experimenting with. At the end of the day you are Love, as is everyone else. See this within yourself and everyone that passes through your life.

No matter what forms you are exploring, there is protection in being confident in who you are at the core. There is no illusion, deception and lies in experimentation when you are open and honest about who you are underneath. Know your own center. Ground here. Fun and freedom to travel within yourself follows. My anchor is Love. What is yours? How can you describe it in a way that you will recognize it instantaneously when you look back? This is your map, keep it close. As you continue to embody different forms, connect to it. Connect to it often and it will be like second nature.

Remember when I said that being adaptive can be a compass home? I think it is nearly impossible to pinpoint third dimensional identity. Every single time I have tried, I have come back to the same conclusion. You already know what it is: Love. However you want to describe it, we are all different forms of Love, ever-changing, ever-evolving. Allow this to shine through no matter where you are in your evolution. All of the shapeshifting lead me here. No matter what costume I tried on, I always came back to this idea of home.

There is so much to explore. When you choose to change form, make it a conscious choice. You can be formless with a purpose. Identity is a complex, nuanced spectrum. Enjoy the enchanting exploration. Fall in Love with the infinite different essences this world has to offer you. Feel the cosmic vibrancy.

with love, katie

*Love/Higher Self/God/Source/Spirit/Creation/Consciousness/Unmanifested/The Eternal/Soul/Everything/Nothing/All That Is/Infinity/The Unknown/The Witness/Being/… you fill in the blank…

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