Writing is everything to me. It is the most natural way for me to connect to my spirit. I write to myself at least six times a day. Sometimes publishing what I write to myself makes me nervous because I have no idea how others will receive it. Doing anything that exposes your spirit in front of “other people” can be nerve-racking whether it is writing, singing (I am definitely tone-deaf), painting, building, engineering, designing, sharing, imagining, loving, giving, etc. can be scary because you are being so vulnerable.
We all have something that allows our spirit to come through. That something can be the most healing thing to yourself or anyone you share it with. What makes it the most exquisite is when it is absolutely true to you. I have been able to discover so much about myself through writing and that is because no matter where I am writing e.g. journal, this space, etc. I am always writing to myself. Sometimes I look back on things I have written and I cringe for a moment wondering what I was thinking. I think that is natural because we all do “cringeworthy” things sometimes when we outgrow ourselves. I never regret anything I have written because I was writing to and for myself. Anything I have ever written has been for me. I have always been communicating to whatever it is I want to cleanse, bless, heal, and love within myself. That changes over time. What I wrote a year ago doesn’t fit anymore, hence “the cringing”. It always passes. I write to love different aspects of myself at different times. What could you possibly regret about that?
It isn’t all about writing. Writing is an essential part of my life, but as I said, it could really be anything. There is an incredible amount of Love* within ever single one of us. Love just moves through us with ease in different ways. How does Love move through you?
If you don’t know the answer, pay attention to when you feel the most ease and grace. It has something to do with that. The most mysterious and truly stunning part is: it is infinitely unique to you. No I don’t mean that I own “writing”, however, when I am writing to myself it is like my own fingerprint. I have never found anything like it and that is why I do it so often. When I need some compassion or patience, I find it hard to go to another person because it is not exactly what I am looking for. It isn’t their fault and it doesn’t mean that they aren’t compassionate, patient, or empathetic enough. They do their best to help. We are all just so infinitely complex that it would be hard for they to have the exact medicine that I need. I also can’t fathom putting that responsibility on them. That can be hurtful to the both of us. So what do I do? You guessed it. If there is any time that I feel out of balance, sad, angry, loving, confused, happy, etc. I write to myself. I take it upon myself to send that love and healing to myself. I don’t think my way would work for everyone. As long as I am honest and allowing Love to move through me, I get the medicine that I need.
What about all of our healers in the world? Don’t worry. I am not trying to diminish the value of reiki practitioners, essential oil experts, shamans, pediatricians, surgeons, numerologists, gynecologists, crystals, akashic record readers, singing bowls, dentists, tarot readers, astrologists, friends, family, past life regression-ists, chiropractors (what do they even do?), psychics, mediums, and acupuncturists. They all have their place. Let this thought challenge you a bit: when was the last time anyone else gave you exactly what you needed and you never had to go see them again? I am fortunate enough to be able to go to the doctor every year and I am not trying to replace my doctor or dentist with writing. If I have an allergic reaction, I am taking Benadryl. Maybe I can write about it after. Still, we give so much of our power away without even a second thought because we are so used to doing it.
A couple weeks ago I did have a medicine reading* and it was amazing. The reason I was so blown away was because after letting it sit with me for awhile I realized that I never needed it in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, she was a beautiful being to connect with. However, she didn’t tell me anything that I didn’t already know about myself. She was spot on about so much, just not 100%. I wonder who would be able to provide exactly the healing that I needed? Hmmmmmmm….
I am more grateful for seeing myself as my own healer than any part of the reading. I didn’t understand what that meant for me for a long time. It is much clearer now and that is so much more than I could have asked for. In my opinion, Love is the healer. It comes through our doctors, mediums, etc. in different ways but it is not dependent on time or space. Don’t block yourself from your own capabilities because of that outdated belief. The only thing that may take time is cultivating that relationship with Love so you are used to its role in your life. The Love and ability to access Love remains constant.
Find the way Love moves through you so you can give it to yourself. I really believe it is time to end this pattern of believing someone else can provide Love for you better than you can for yourself. Our capacity to Love is innate. It doesn’t matter how long you spent in the jungle learning about singing to vines. By the way, if that is your Love then that’s wonderful. It just isn’t meant for everyone. Your Love is so unique to you. You won’t find it in someone else. It will remain buried until you dig it up. It may be hiding in a place that seems opposite to where you think you would find it. Where are diamonds found?
with love, katie
Note: Love (to me) is the same as God, Source, Spirit, Consciousness, Presence, The Unmanifested, Infinity, Etc. It would just be a mouthful to list them all every time 🙂
Note: I wrote more about my medicine reading here: https://roseandcactusquartz.com/2020/01/24/eleven-minutes/