letting go of letting go

Something I have been battling with lately is body image. It isn’t something that is that serious, I don’t have a disorder or anything like that but it has been something that has consumed my mind at certain points in my life. Usually it comes up when I am stressed about something else and likely has more to do with that issue than anything else. By the way, deep down I know there is nothing wrong with my body. I ran track and field in high school, was on the rowing team in college and I still exercise nearly every day (you need to have at least one day off). I eat relatively healthy (cream soda is my vice) so overall I have nothing to worry about.

On my own personal journey I have been working on accepting and loving every part of myself. I made a list of all my shadows and everything that I didn’t totally accept at the time (at least everything I could think of, new things always pop up to accept and integrate) and on the list was my body. For some reason that was the hardest one. Even though there is no shortage of people telling me I am pretty or strangers stopping me to ask me out for coffee. It is one of those things where no matter how many people tell you you still have trouble believing it within yourself.

For months I worked on loving and accepting my body. Something I have learned about myself is that my mind, even though it is one of my greatest strengths, is my greatest obstacle. I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t working, what I had to do, and when I say I felt like I tried everything, I really felt like I tried EVERYTHING and nothing was working.

When I was FaceTiming my friend the other day, the thought popped up in my head, “let go of letting go”. At the time I could see very well why this applied to him. But it wasn’t until a bit later when I noticed that everyone and everything is a mirror for us to learn more about themselves (I will post more about this) and if I noticed this in him it most likely applied to me. I finally had my “ah ha” moment. It wasn’t necessarily my body I needed to accept. It was my body image issues. I had been so resistant to them, trying to do everything I could do to get rid of them instead of accepting that they were a part of me like everything else.

This taught me a great lesson about what it truly means to love and accept every part of yourself. If there is anything you think you need to get rid of or reject about yourself, chances are that part of you needs love too. Sometimes it is about letting go of the need to let go, because implying that we need to let go of something is saying that we are not perfect until we learn to release everything imperfect about ourselves. Everything has a place. You are already whole.

with love, katie

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