inner beauty

I just started going to this kundalini yoga class and the last couple sessions I have been sitting next to this woman. What I instantly noticed about her is her beauty. It isn’t necessarily her outer beauty, but she is physically pretty as well. This woman is so strong, flexible, and her inner beauty, confidence and radiance shine outward. That is what made her so attractive to me. I could feel her strong and wonderful presence when she walked in the room. That inner essence that I felt transcends all of our weird beauty standards or in other words, what usually matters to us to define what counts as attractive or beautiful. Again, she is very pretty but this is not what I admire about her the most. I highlight that because for some reason it seems that what we are on the outside matters more than whatever is within.

This got me thinking, what if people chose the people they wanted to be with solely based on who they wanted to evolve with on a soul level and intuitively based upon the energy they have within them? To be honest, this is how I usually pick partners and for a long time I didn’t see how you could choose anyone any other way. I have never been the kind of person to be instantly attracted to someone without knowing anything about them. With all my past partners I got to know them and was attracted to them through experiences with them. This morning when I was coming home from the same kundalini yoga class, a man stopped me on the street, was very kind and he said he was a photographer. He invited me to come to his studio for a photo shoot because he wanted to take pictures of me. Later in the conversation he asked if I wanted to get coffee with him sometime. Whether that sounds legitimate to you or not (because all strangers might not be who they say they are) there was nothing about me that wanted to take him up on his offer because I wasn’t energetically attracted to him and it seemed he was only into me because I was physically attractive to him.

My first serious boyfriend asked me what attracted me to him. I said he had amazing energy and I just wanted to be around that love that the radiated all the time. He didn’t really understand but at least he didn’t go running for the hills. We didn’t work out as a couple but he is my best friend.

This took somewhat of a turn and isn’t necessarily a post on dating but lately I have been receiving information from the universe about consciously choosing relationships. I have had some abusive situations with past partners and that has taught me so much about boundaries, self worth, self love and trusting my intuition when bringing people into my auric field. With trial and error I have decided for me personally choosing who I want in my life based off of physical appearance doesn’t work well for me. But we spend so much time and energy thinking about outward appearance and there is so much judgement surrounding it.

I have shared these thoughts with a few friends and they asked me if you weren’t allowed to have a ‘type’ with this logic. I’m not saying you can’t. You are sexually attracted to whomever you are naturally sexually attracted to. That’s perfectly fine and should not be judged either. But often people make judgements about people who don’t live up to the rigid beauty standards we have in place or pick friends based on that system. I, for myself, don’t agree with that because think of all of the amazing people you may not meet because you judge them on appearance. What if we were blind? What if we couldn’t choose people to bring into our lives based on appearance? It would be so interesting because then outward appearance couldn’t divide us anymore when it does in so many ways. Outer beauty would lose so much of its power. There would be even less separation between all of us.

As I continue on this journey with myself I am finding what has been programmed into me by society and how it is becoming less and less relevant for me. Society itself isn’t evil by any means. Like I said, I just want to live more consciously and make these decisions for myself. What works for me in this moment is that I am attracted to people who are in love with themselves, in love with their life, confident, loving (seems to keep coming up), and have that inner radiance I saw in that woman. I have changed so much the past couple of years that I focus on what feels good for me in the present moment and follow my gut. Right now, that is all so sexy to me and what they look like… to be honest if they are so in love with themselves and their life I don’t even think I would notice. I was listening to Shaman Durek as a guest on a podcast for the first time the other day. When I heard him speak I felt this insane energy from him and this unconditional love and I didn’t even know what he looked like but I thought to myself, ‘if ever given the chance, this is the kind of partner I would love to have, hands down, nothing else matters’. That is the best example I have of how I am attracted to people. I lived a large portion of my life not thinking for myself in ways I didn’t even realize. Now that the lights have been turned on it is impossible to live my life from the dark again.

with love, katie

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