“I’ll be happy when ___”

How many of you have said this sentence or something like it? I didn’t realize it but I would do this all the time and it is hard to stop. When I was really young it would be “I’ll be happy when I get this toy” or slightly older “I’ll be happy when I get into this college, or having this partner…”. Most recently my phrase was: “I’ll be happy when I have my career figured out”. Once I realized that this was a pattern in my life and I said that to myself, paused, and asked myself if this was the way I wanted to continue the rest of my life.

It was easier for me to look back and know that everything worked out the way it was meant to and I really worried for nothing. By the way, I have done this every single time with everything I was ever worried over, because I always got what I needed. What was harder for me to do was take whatever I was worrying about in the present, let’s just say it is my career, and know that everything is going to work out in the future the way it is meant to. It is because every thing that pops up that seems like it will complete me or make me happy seems like the biggest thing at the moment that will change my life or that I somehow cannot live without. For awhile I would say to myself “well everything else is different and it may have worked out but I need this now because I need money” or something like that.

Then I realized the other day that the way I felt about my career, it comes to someone else much easier (possibly because they don’t need to learn as much about it with regard to their souls journey or something else, who knows) and things that other people would remove a leg for come much easier to me. None of these issues are actually greater or harder than one another. They are all the same. It just seems like in the moment that whatever we are trying to achieve is like moving mountains while for someone else achieving the same thing is as simple as picking up a pebble. We are going through these hardships to help our souls evolve and learn in this Universal classroom. Could you imagine if everything you wanted was just granted to you? Or if everyone needed to learn the same lesson so we all struggled with the same thing? I couldn’t. I have learned the most amazing lessons from people who struggled with different things than I did. That diversity is part of what makes life as beautiful as it is. As painful and uncomfortable as these shifts are I know that they are going to be necessary and wonderful for my soul. I may not know how specifically, but I can just feel it and I don’t need to know the specific outcome. This realization has allowed me to take a step back, look at what I desire and know that it will come when it is meant to, whether that means I have yet to learn a lesson or do something else, but I am at peace with it. There is nothing that makes my situation unique or special or what I want specifically hard because we are all going through it. What we want might be different, but the end result is the same, we get what we need.

This has taught me to be at peace with myself. Or try as much as possible in every moment. With this realization I decided I don’t want to spend the rest of my life saying “I’ll be happy when ___ ” because it will just continue. A career may seem vital now but then I could easily say that about a partner, children, a house… you get the idea. I have a long life to live and I don’t want to live it that way. I am complete. I don’t need anything else to complete me. Peace and being in love with my life in the moment has become the most important thing to me right now so I can stop looking forward and seeing what I don’t have and being grateful for what I do.

with love, katie

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